The Right Jewish Boy for Marriage

My husband and I have one child, a daughter in college. Naturally my husband and I hope, wish, and pray that she will meet a nice Jewish boy in college and that she will eventually marry him.

Our daughter is graduating soon, so I called her to find out how the college party was that she and now her long-time boyfriend attended.

Marge said that Adam did what every nice Jewish boy friend would do at a frat dance. He bought Marge a lovely corsage for her dress and he went in his newly purchased tuxedo. Marge went on to say that they danced every dance, and they kissed and hugged often on the dance floor. They held each other’s hand all during the time they were walking around seeing friends.

They ate some of the food, making sure to observe Jewish dietary laws. They drank very little, just some champagne to celebrate that they were soon graduating.

Marge continued, “He took me home in a taxi, and in the taxi we kissed more, hugged more, made out just a little, and he started to talk of marriage. He took me up to my apartment, gave me another kiss and left.”

It was hard to understand what Marge had just told me. So I said to my daughter, “Marge, you told me he was kissing you all night on the dance floor, you hugged, and in the cab he started to fool around, and he took you up to your apartment and just kissed you at the door and left?”

“That’s right, Mom.”

I gave such a yell in the telephone that I woke up my husband, who was snoring in the lounge chair. I said, “No matter what, you cannot marry Adam.”

Marge yelled back, “Why not?”

“The reason why is that he is not ambitious enough.”

A couple of days later I decided to give Adam a second chance. I called my daughter Marge back again to find out what was happening. She informed me that all was well and that Adam had come over the night before with a lovely bunch of flowers and protection.

“Protection!” I again yelled. “Do you mean that you are having sex and he wants to make sure you don’t get pregnant so he is using condoms?”

“No, Mom. He brought over his mother and he told me that, ever since he was a small child, his mother had to check out his friends before they became his playmates. Our wedding is scheduled for this summer.”

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.