Bed Bath and Beyond: A Fiction Short Story

ATTN: Frank Friendly, Bed Bath and Beyond

I am writing this letter to you on behalf of our many residents here at the Kracker Jack Retirement Home. Our building is just a short block from your large and wonderful store.

Each month I lead a group of 20 or more of our residents to a one-day shopping expedition at your store. We are armed with all those 20% off discount postcards that you have sent our 90 or so residents.

As you may know, because of difficulties with the mobility of many of our residents, they do not experience much socializing with people outside of the home. Thus a visit to your store is often the highlight of the month for them.

The residents have informed me that your employees are most helpful in obtaining items located on high shelves or too heavy for them to lift into their shopping carts. And our residents are so pleased to be able to converse with any and all of you staff on various matters other than your store merchandise. Our residents inquire about the employees’ families and where they might be taking a vacation this year and how their children are doing in school.

Our residents’ eyes shine as they continue to load up with all kinds of merchandise such as deck chairs, stem glassware, small refrigerators, card tables, and many other both light and heavy items. Of course, our residents walk through your extra wide aisles with their carts so loaded and piled high that these carts represent a menace to the other shoppers because our residents are not able to see in front of their carts.

Finally it comes time for me to tell the residents that they need to check out. There are murmurs and some tears and some hesitation but they do proceed to move forward to the checkout lanes. This is the time when there is a call from the checkout clerks to the other store employees to please rush forward to the remaining open checkout lanes because of all 20 or more residents checking out at the same time.

Then because this type of activity has been happening for many previous months, there is also a call for all employees to come forward. Why you may ask? The reason is that our residents have loaded up their carts with 15 or more large and small items and only have one or maybe two discount coupons that are redeemable.

The residents know this, but again this is their way to speak to more of the store employees. The residents ponder which items to purchase and which items are to be returned to their proper places in the store. Again the residents question the employees: “How do you feel? When is your family coming to visit you?” and other personal questions.

What a wonderful way for our residents to have social contact with people living outside the Kracker Jack Retirement Home.

Finally all of the big items have been taken out of their carts and now they can purchase what they really can use in their own apartments. These items range from toothpaste to mouthwash and usually total up to less than $5 per customer. We then all assemble outside the store and decide on what day of the next month we will again go shopping at your wonderful store.

Very truly yours,
Gladys Finebody, Social Director
Kracker Jack Retirement Home

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.