The Beverly Hillbillies Go to Germany

Do you remember the TV show called “The Beverly Hillbillies”? It featured a hillbilly family that inherited money and a mansion in Beverly Hills and the problems they ran into coming from their environment to that of Beverly Hills, California. Now for this story try to imagine how they might have reacted if, instead of a place in Beverly Hills, they inherited a castle in Germany today.

First, Jed and his mother-in-law Daisy May had to pack their meager belongings. Not owning any luggage they used what most hillbillies would have used — namely, old grain bags. TSA personnel at the airport would surely pull them aside due to their two grain sacks and their appearances in farm clothing in a large metropolitan airport. Hopefully their shoes would have been cleared off of any dung from their pig pens.

Passing through security and finally boarding the plane, they might have noted that the plane had two floors and expressed amazement at such a plane.

They were seated on the top level with all of the first class passengers, where they sat down and started to play with the buttons on the seat. All of a sudden they were tilted back at a 45 degree angle. Imagine that, just like a rocking chair. They thought they were being held prisoner when the flight attendant strapped them in, but they didn’t say anything.

After a while they had to make use of the toilet facilities. But all they saw was a sign that said lavatory and they didn’t know what that meant. Finally they saw enough people around them getting up and returning a few minutes later to figure that those people were using the toilet facilities.

So Jed went in, locked the door and was confused. Before Jed sat down, he started to ponder. Back home he knew that human waste went into the ground, but here at 35,000 feet above ground, where did the waste go? Surely it didn’t drop on the people on the lower level of the plane? And it certainly didn’t drop on the people living in the towns that they were flying over.

The captain of the aircraft announced that there might be turbulence ahead and that everyone should stay seated. Neither Jed nor Daisy May knew what that meant. The strong up and down motion of the airplane that soon followed had all of the passengers looking a little pale except for Jed and Daisy May. This being their first airplane ride, they thought that this is how a plane normally flies.

The waitress, as Jed and Daisy May thought the person walking up and down the aisle was, stood by to get their dinner order. They thought that was very sweet and ordered pig jowls with bacon pieces and some corn bread. They were not happy when the waitress said those items were not on the menu.

They soon fell fast asleep and were awaken just before the plane landed. Their further adventures in adapting to a foreign environment might follow in a forthcoming story.

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv. Click here to see his Amazon author profile.