Italian Liar’s Club Vacation in Mexico: A Fiction Short Story

The 362 members of the Liar’s Club of Italy all submitted entries to a contest sponsored by a national airline of Italy. Here is the winning Liar’s Club entry:

The national airline is proud to announce that we now have direct flights from Rome to Sunnysideup, Mexico. Our special vacation package includes all fares, transportation costs, room, board and all amenities that go with an unbelievable vacation. You will be transported with our newly wallpapered Boeing 737 airplanes with a total flight time of 16 hours and 12 minutes from takeoff to landing.

This 12-day vacation will only be on sale for the next 18 hours, and we have added a second telephone operator to handle the large numbers of people we expect to respond to this special offer.

Our flight crew will now be able to serve each one of the passengers a full can of soda instead of previously only being able to pour four ounces. We can offer this because we were able to purchase enough soda cans when the local supermarkets had these on sale.

Upon arrival and after clearing customs with our special Italian service representative, you will be whisked away in our large air conditioned Fiat limo filled with all sorts of soft drinks. Peanuts may be purchased for a nominal fee.

Our limo does not have bathroom facilities so we urge you to find the nearest washrooms in the terminal and use these. Also, we hope that you will take some of the toilet paper from your flight to use at the terminal.

Upon arrival at our exclusive hidden enclave, because of our Italian chivalry your luggage will be picked up at the limo door. There you will be presented with the keys to your room and the keys to the safe in your room. Do not leave more than $2 around at any time unattended.

And your room, or should we say suite – it is like a room from House & Garden magazine. There is a king bed with 600 thread count sheets and a dozen pillows, along with three comforters made from Spanish virgin wool – double first class all the way.

The private beach with three miles of sand is hard to describe. It can only be used by our guests and is available for a small admittance fee.

As the temperature here sometimes hits 108 degrees, walking on the sand to get to the water’s edge is often a trying adventure. So before we started to build this resort, we laid over three miles of an underground cooling pipe system. Now our guests can walk on the sand without endangering their feet, and our water temperature is always above 80 degrees all year round.

When you come out of the water after a delightful swim, you will see our towel boys standing at the water’s edge to hand you an extra large towel with which to dry off. These towels are made of the finest soft cotton material from our supplier in England.

Now if you want to swim nude, that can be arranged with our daily boat leaving our dock each morning and returning early each evening from our own small island, just a half hour from the dock. The fun part is that you can get nude as soon as the boat leaves the shoreline. It’s a great way to see what the other guests look like.

Dinner is at 8 p.m. each evening, and all tables are set for eight guests so that no guest dines alone. This gives guests the opportunity to see what their nude beach companions look like with their clothes on.

Our two operators are standing by now so call immediately to take advantage of this special vacation package.

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.