It’s Foreign to Me

Can you remember dating back when you were in your teens or when maybe you were in your 20s? Maybe a movie and a snack or going to the roller rink or possibly going bowling?

I have been thinking about how much easier it was years ago to date after talking for the first time with a new person for whom I am a volunteer matchmaker for an online dating site.

Ben is 27 and is an observant Jew living in New York City. He has been trying to find a similar religious woman who he can marry in the near future. He has already been matched up a few times through this dating service by another volunteer matchmaker and so I asked him to relate some of his dating experiences.

He informed me that he takes either flowers or candy on the first date. I told him that I thought it was the proper thing to do. However, he said that it sometimes backfires. I immediately thought that, if he brings flowers to the young woman, she might be allergic to flowers.

Instead, he told me that on one occasion the woman stated that she did not own a vase in which to put the flowers. When it came to candy he had to make sure the woman was not diabetic or trying to lose weight. The one woman who was neither of these riled him when she threw the candy wrappers out the window while he drove.

Being an observant Jew, he cannot perform his profession, which is as a standup comic, on Friday nights and not until after sundown on Saturday nights. He also told me that when he does perform on stage or in clubs, his mother is always in the audience. She wants to make sure that, in his search for a wife, he only dates Jewish women. She is appalled at the number of woman who, after his show, attack him to give him their telephone numbers. Needless to say, they are not Jewish.

In the two years that I have been a matchmaker for the dating service, the most frequent answer the women seeking men give as to the quality that they want in a future husband is someone who will make them laugh. One would think that all the women would want to meet Ben but that is not the case. The reason is that the Jewish marriageable women he has met want a doctor, a lawyer, or an accountant who will make a fine living and then make them laugh. In that order.

Now here is Ben who can make them laugh immediately. But upon finding out what his profession is , they try to find out if he has any money in the bank, or if he owns any property, and especially if he is still living at home with his parents.

To be safe rather than sorry, he tells me that he first has a coffee date with the young woman. If and when that works out well, he will ask her out for a real date.

The results have been a lot of coffee dates and only a few real dates. But he keeps trying and, with my help now, maybe someday something will result in a marriage.

© 2017 Albert Zimbler

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.