Las Vegas Rant (Written in 2007)

In May 2006 I spent two days in Las Vegas. It had been 18 years since my previous trip there. Naturally there were many changes in those 18 years. Back then I was amazed at everything I saw in Las Vegas. But compared to these days, that was small town stuff.

I visited four hotels in May 2006 – the Venetian, the Wynn, the Bellagio, and Caesars Palace. The last has been around for the past 40 years but is still going strong and still looks magnificent.

They all appear, to me anyway, to be about one-mile square in size and all look like they were something you might see on the silver screen. From the outside sidewalk to the front desk registration it also looks to be a three-block walk. There the reservation clerks handle your reservation with speed due to the automation not around 18 years ago.

All paths in and out of the hotels lead to or from the casinos. And there are now many new ways to lose your money.

Back in 1988 smaller bets were $1, $2, or $5. But now it’s $5, $10, and $25 minimum bets at the blackjack tables. And when the blackjack tables get filled up, the minimum bet goes up at any new table opened to handle the overflow players.

In 1988 food was very cheap to buy for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, but that has changed. Now there are very few bargains for any of these meals, and the amount of upscale restaurants located in the hotels have increased by leaps and bounds.

And talk about the gift shops, they are something else.

At the Wynn, I walked into a Judith Leiber purse shop. The window display showed it to be a very upscale establishment. When I asked for a price on the purse shown in the window, the price quoted by the minimum wage employee was $6,500.

My question is why people in their right mind would come to Las Vegas to gamble? Even if they are lucky enough to win – say $1,000 – it probably would cost the winner a small fortune for air fare to Las Vegas, plus the hotel room, plus taxis, plus food, plus personal items, plus transportation to and from the airport. So by possibly winning the $1,000, the winner might end up even for the trip.

I know you will say, “But what if that person hits the jackpot?”

Keep dreaming.

I found out also that the newest playgrounds for thrill seekers in Las Vegas were strip shows at the newly opened strip clubs. My son told me that the investor that I know from Los Angeles had just purchased an 80,000 square foot building that housed one of the better strip clubs. Just another way for the suckers to get parted from their money.

So stay home, buy lottery tickets if you hope to win big, save your time, and use the money saved for entertainment in your home town.

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.