Love Survey: A Fiction Story – Miller Mosaic LLC

I’m Jack O’Toole, a writer for a New York City daily newspaper for over 40 years. Jane, a woman friend, recently lost her husband of 50 years. Then, three months after her husband’s death, she informed my wife and me that she had found romance again. Jane is 74 years of age, while I am 64 and my wife is 63 years old.

After discussing Jane’s news with my wife, I got the idea for an article. I received permission from my editor to conduct a national survey of romance of older people for both males and females who were in their 60s, 70s, and even into their 80s.

My questionnaire was sent to 71,042 men and women living in the United States. Half of the surveys were sent to each gender. In order to qualify for the survey respondents had to have been married at least 20 years and either divorced or widowed for over one year. Also, their marriage had to be the only marriage in their lifetime.

I received a response of 6,381 of which 5,105 were women and 1,276 were men. Below I have shared some of the responses sent by those returning their surveys. I have also listed some of my own and my wife’s comments on the answers received.

I started my survey with this question: “Is it possible to find romance or love again at our ages?”

Here are some of the answers to this first question:

• The sooner the better.
• My kids won’t be happy.
• I should be so lucky.
• Who you kidding?
• Can lightning strike twice?
• What would my first wife think of this?

As for me, I would probably look to get married but not until at least a year had past should my wife die before me. My wife said that she would come back and haunt me from the grave were I to remarry.

The next question in the survey was: “Is the thought of sex a factor in your answer?”

• Why not?
• Hell yes.
• Maybe no.
• My father told me he was sexually active in his 90s.
• What is sex?
• I would like to give it a try.

My wife and I were both in agreement that the need for sex at any age is a factor and should be enjoyed by each person “ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.”

Next question: “How many dates before the first lip kisses?”

• 1 – It doesn’t mean a thing.
• 3 – I’m still not sure about her.
• 4 – I think I like him.
• 7 – Do people our age do this?
• 6 – I wish he would brush his teeth.
• 12 – Maybe for a birthday or an anniversary.

I really haven’t given this much thought although my wife says women learn how to kiss earlier than men. She says that for a women it’s considered nothing more than a similar handshake between two men.

Next question: “Would you want to get married again?”

• But where will we winter?
• It gets cold sleeping alone.
• Is he still capable?
• Can’t we just be friends with benefits?
• At my age who would want me?
• Is there someone out there crazy enough to want me?

I would want to get married again so that I can come home to a good meal and tell her of my day. My wife on the other hand is not so sure because of how hectic our lives have been due to the strange and long hours of my being a newspaper reporter. She said maybe she would remarry if the man were retired and could spend a great deal of time doing enjoyable things together.

Next question: “How many dates before there is sex?”

• 8 – No chupa, no stupa (Yiddish saying meaning no sex before marriage).
• 2 – Why not? I’m still young.
• 5 – Hurray, menopause is over.
• 3 – Why not, I can’t get pregnant.
• I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

As for myself, I still consider myself a stud and would try on the first date provided the woman looks as if she would be a candidate to be my second wife. My wife agrees with my trying on the first date as she knows my sexual appetite. But for her, she would consider maybe 15 dates before she might, and she says “MIGHT,” go to bed with the guy.

Next question: “If sex took place, was it in a darkened room or in a room with light?”

Dark – I hardly knew him.
Lighted – I just had cataract surgery.
Lighted – I wanted to see the merchandise.
Lighted – At this age women go to sleep early.
Lighted – I can’t stay awake once it gets dark.

As for me I don’t care where as long as it happens. Any time would be the right time for me. My wife on the other hand says that when it happens she hopes it would take place under the covers.

Next question: “What were your thoughts and reactions upon seeing your sexual partner nude before you engaged in the sexual act?”

• Anxious and excited.
• What am I doing here?
• I hope I can get excited in the next hour.
• Where is it?
• That says it all.

As for my thoughts, in this situation I would say to the nude woman that she looks terrific and is really something special to look at (even if I had to lie a little). My wife said she would be frightened and would probably act like the virgin she was on our wedding night. But I won’t relate what she said or did that night.

Final question for this part of the survey: “What would you look for in a second marriage?”

• Is his stock portfolio sufficient for us to live in comfort?
• Friends should be jealous because of her looks and youth.
• How long will his money last?
• I don’t want her looking like my mother did in her 70s.
• I don’t want to be a caretaker. Can we go dancing?
• Does she have enough of her own money for her burial?

I, too, would want my second wife to be younger and to have a good personality and not be fat and know how to cook. My wife would want financial security including a life insurance policy on the second husband with her as the beneficiary to ensure that financial security. Looks of the man are not too important, she says, but she wants him to have a physical before they marry so she would not be likely to become a caretaker early in their marriage.

The rest of the survey will be published in this Sunday’s edition of my newspaper and will be reprinted in full in the next edition of the Ladies’ Home Journal.

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.

Click here for an interview of Al Zimbler on “The Daily Author.”