Nearsightedness and a Sheer Negligee

Leonard and Joan Farfel had been married for almost 5o years. Leonard retired as a stockbroker, and he and Joan purchased a house in Santa Monica, California. It was a two-story house with an amazing curved staircase that had been featured in local newspapers and magazines for many years as the previous owners held many charitable events in their home.

As both Farfels were in fine healthy condition, they had no trouble walking up or down the curved staircase. The only physical defect Leonard had was that he was nearsighted and vain so that he did not wear any glasses or even contacts. As for Joan, her only defect, if one could call it that, was her frugality.

What did Joan do to earn this designation? For one, she would prepare dinner and tell Leonard that he was eating a steak although in reality it was pot roast flattened to look like steak. With his very poor eyesight Leonard never noticed the difference.

Another example: She would tell Leonard she had a maid service come in every week to clean the large house. Instead she just gave the house a fast run through with a dust cloth and pocketed the money that Leonard gave her to pay the cleaning service. She just liked to have a little stash of money for her own use.

Leonard and Joan were still madly in love with each other and often could be seen walking along the Pacific Ocean hand in hand in the early evening. As their 50th wedding anniversary approached, Leonard decided he wanted to buy a gift for his wife. It would not only be expensive but sexy.

One day while out to lunch with friends at a local shopping mall, he went past a Victoria’s Secret store, stopped, looked in the store windows, and saw the scantily clad mannequins wearing see-through negligees. That’s it, he said to himself, the perfect gift for his wife on their 50th anniversary.

He went into the store, cornered a saleslady, and said he wanted to purchase a negligee for his wife similar to those in the window. The saleslady brought him one that his wife would surely love. Leonard said it wasn’t sheer enough and the price of $250 reflected that.

The saleslady then brought him another negligee that was quite sheer and cost $600. Not good enough. Leonard said he wanted the most expensive negligee available in the store and that it must be almost completely see-through.

For $1,000 Leonard purchased a negligee made by a leading manufacturer. He paid by credit card and told the saleslady that he was going to do an errand. She should wrap the negligee as a gift and he would return in 15 minutes to take his purchase with him.

Two weeks later on the night before their 50th anniversary he gave his wife the wrapped gift box after dinner. He didn’t tell her what it contained but told her to take the gift upstairs and then come down wearing it. Joan was a little giddy from the dinner wine, smiled, and told Leonard she would do it.

She took the gift to the bedroom and was about to put on the very sheer negligee when she saw that the price tag was still on it — $1,000. She really didn’t need a negligee, much less one costing $1,000. She decided to return this and get the money for herself, but how?

She was banking on Leonard’s nearsightedness, so this is what she did. She didn’t put on the negligee, and instead, completely nude, she called down to Leonard that she was coming down the staircase and he should be standing at the bottom.

As she started down the staircase, Leonard’s face turned blue and he shouted, “You would think that, before putting it into the box, they would have pressed the wrinkles out of it!”

Albert Zimbler is the 93-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.

Click here for a video of the presentation by Al Zimbler on the inspiration for his humorous stories given to the MEL (Men Enjoying Leisure) group in Chicago to which he belongs.

Click here for an interview of Al Zimbler on “The Daily Author.”