I Survived Dating at the Country Buffet

More Dating and Mating Secrets of Seniors — Al Zimbler’s 6th book of humorous short stories.

I’m tickled pink with Henry. Henry? He was my first date since my divorce from Charlie two years ago. Charlie, the big spender. The only trouble, it was my money he was spending – the money I inherited from my father, the real estate mogul.

I met Henry through the dating service called “Just Lunch.” A pair meets at an agreed lunch spot and, if they hit it off, they then can arrange a real date.

How do I explain my reason for this action to my two adult children? I am 55 years of age, 5 feet 3 inches, 110 solid pounds with red hair and a smile to match, and yet my children want me to act like an old grandmother, which I am. My two grandchildren, ages 5 and 7, giggled to each other when I told them I was meeting a gentleman for a lunch date.

I think my children are concerned that I might blow the rest of my inheritance to some gigolo if I marry again. I am still working as an account executive at my father’s real estate firm but I can take off at any time.

I have questions that I have asked myself before thinking of even getting into the dating scene. What kind of man would I or should I be interested in for dating or for possible marriage? Does he have to be financially secure without the same concerns of his children as the concerns of my children? Would I want to spend time with a widower, a divorced man, or a possible playboy type? For fun or for marriage?

Anyway, back to Henry. His choice for lunch was at the Country Buffet, and right off I knew that Henry was conservative when it came to dating, probably a Republican, and very frugal on how he spent his money. The reason was lunch at the buffet is $8.78 including beverage and tax. No tipping since it was self service.

Henry informed me that he was a widower and that he was 59 years of age, had one son who was in the insurance business with him, and became wealthy when he collected $2 million upon the death of his wife. He told me that his son was also worried about what would happen to Henry’s money were Henry to remarry.

Henry appeared to be about 6 feet tall, with lovely silver hair, thin, and a walking example of what a life insurance broker should look like.

As I dawdled with my food I started thinking, which was bad for me, as I should have talked more to Henry to find out about him. Did Henry look like the remarrying kind? Was he the kind of man I wanted to be married to? As Henry appeared to be financially secure he would not be marrying me for my money but who knew these days?

If we continued dating would it come to pass that we would be intimate? Would I feel comfortable undressing, being nude, and having sex with Henry before marriage? Would he know how to massage my aching back and be tender in his lovemaking?

And about me? Did I still know how to give a man a passionate kiss and then tease him with my womanly charms? Wait a minute, what charms can a 55-year-old grandmother have? Well, when there are a nude man and a nude woman in bed with the right words being said, no charms are needed. That’s romance for people in their 50s.

I was so busy thinking these thoughts that I forgot to carry on a conversation with Henry and decided, since I was getting flush with all these romantic thoughts, I had better excuse myself to go to the restroom.

I quickly returned, having washed my face with some very cold water to cool off my wicked thoughts, and I glanced at the table where we were dining to find that Henry was gone.

The busboy informed me that the gentleman I was dining with left as soon as the restroom door closed behind me, leaving a note lying on the table.

I unfolded the note and read the following:

I have been very uncomfortable since I sat down to have lunch with you as your actions look like a scene in the African jungle where you the tiger is walking lightly in search of prey to devour for lunch, and I seem to be the prey. Good luck in your future hunting.

Me, I’m tickled pink.

Albert Zimbler is a 92-year-old author of six humor short story books on Amazon of which MORE DATING AND MATING SECRETS OF SENIORS AND OTHER HUMOR SHORT STORIES is the latest. He also teaches senior improv.