Wedding Clothes Fashions*

*True story of Al Zimbler’s life as it appears in his eighth short story humor book MORE BEDTIME STORIES FOR NIGHTTIME LOVERS.

“So why isn’t my old dark blue dress suit good enough for my grandson’s wedding?” That was the question I asked my son. He informed me that my grandson, his nephew, deserved only the best appearance from me and that meant at age 93 I had to visit my son’s haberdasher in downtown Chicago.

I was instructed to go into the dressing room, where the salesman looked at the back of my wrinkled pants and remarked that my rear end sides were not of the same dimension. He showed me the color and the style of what my new pants would look like. He then measured my instep and the length the pants should be. No front row crease he told me. I asked why and was told that fancy dress pants do not have creases.

Then it was the fancy jacket. A beautiful blue striped jacket was to be the result after all those measurements.

Then the subject of what type of blue shirt would go with the black pants and the blue jacket. This required a measurement of my neck. I can’t remember what that blue shirt was sized but it did fit me well when I wore it at the wedding. However, that shirt was a long-sleeve shirt. I hadn’t worn a long-sleeve dress shirt for 30 or 40 years. Not only that but it required cufflinks. Okay, but now someone had to help me put those cufflinks through the holes.

After this we were on the subject of shoes. I had to get a new pair of shoes that would look perfect with the shirt, jacket, and pants. So another shopping trip.

With my son and his wife selecting various black pairs of shoes I found a pair that usually retails for $175 at a reduced price of $57. So those shoes were purchased.

Then there was the final review of my special clothing needs for my grandson’s wedding. It was then when I thought we were finished that the question of a belt came up. We returned to my apartment and reviewed my four black belts. I had one that passed all their requirements so no more shopping was needed I thought.

The wedding was going to be outdoors in one of the canyons in Los Angeles. I always wear a baseball cap outside except in cold or wet weather. Nope, I had to have a hat. Not a baseball cap but a fancy hat. A fedora. A fedora with a soft brim and indented crown, pinched near the front on both sides. A light blue one. Apparently the fedora has now become a symbol of hipsters. In fact, when I wore it at the wedding and looked into a mirror, I thought of those early movies where fedoras were widely associated with gangsters.

I have to relate that, at the wedding, everyone complimented me on everything I was wearing, and they also approved of my light blue fedora.